She Loved Him, Once Upon a Time
by Teasing.Georgia
Summary: "I'll be gone when you wake up, Swan. Probably easier like that, right? Not a tearful goodbye person and all, I know so I won't say anything. It's all been said before, right? Be happy, Emma. If Walsh is that for you...well then, I guess I wish you both the best." angst with a happy ending K x


_I will leave my heart at the door_  
 _I won't say a word_  
 _They've all been said before you know_  
 _So why don't we just play pretend_  
 _Like we're not scared of what's coming next_  
 _Or scared of having nothing left_

* * *

"It is entirely too fitting, I think, that you should be called 'Summer'. And I know you're laughing at me, because I'm getting soppy and making little sense, but let me explain. Summer is what you are to me, in so many ways. I may have met you as winter came to a close, but it was during summer I fell in love with you, even though I didn't realise it. It was winter when I lost you through my own idiocy," She scoffs and he shoots her a playful glare as if to say 'these are my vows, i can say what i want' and she can't help but smile at him, "And it was summer that I got you back. But this is not where the genius of your name ends for me, because you are everything to be loved about summer and life wrapped up into 90lbs of hair the colour of sunshine, eyes the colour of the grass and imperfect perfection. You are light and playful and so, so unequivocally good that when I am with you, everything seems just a little more sunny. You are natural beauty and softness yet have this burning fire in you that means you shine even brighter." She can't help it, a tear is gliding down her cheek as he whispers words of love to her and she's heard it before but this is different because he's saying them at their _wedding_ and she oves him so damn much, "Even in the very depths of winter you are and will forever remain my little bit of summer and I will love you until the very end of my seasons. It's you, Silverston, it'll always be you." he kisses her then, not waiting for the priest to say anything - hand tangling in her long blonde hair and probably ruining the expensive updo but it doesn't matter they made it. After everything here they are and -

"Cut!" The director, Gold, yells, and Emma and Killian spring a part, Emma backing away, out of his space quickly as though she'd been burned. "Reset! One more time, people. We've almost got it! Emma, Killian, that was beautiful but Emma I need a little more. I don't care what you tap into, who you pretend he is to make this real, but this needs to be perfect." Her eyes are stinging as she tries to fight back tears - this one...she's been dreading this one since the moment she got the script. It's all a bit too real, takes her a bit too long to pull out of character. Killian looks a little dazed, but he shakes it off quicker than her, and goes back to his place at the alter, makeup and hair coming to fix the pair of them up.

This time, as he's stood in front of her - well, Freddie is stood in front of Summer - she does something dangerous. Gold said to pretend he was whoever she needed him to be to make this real - so that's exactly what she does. She stares at him with pure wonder, no longer able to prevent the tears from spilling over her cheek but they're happy ones. She's alight with happiness, like she's glowing from the inside out because she should be thinking about her boyfriend - about Walsh saying these things to her at their wedding but the only person that she can imagine saying these words is the one stood before her. For a moment, as he gazes adoringly at her, looking at her like she personally hung the moon and all of the stars as well, reaching up to gently brush a tear from her cheek with the pad of his thumb. For a moment she pretends that this is real. That they aren't pretending to be other people, that it's them. Just them like it used to be. When Gold yells "Cut" again, it's Killian that backs away first, she's frozen to the spot, the tears still flowing. He's the one running in the other direction and he's back in his trailer by the time she can will herself to move from the spot.

A week later they wrap for the final time and she will no longer have any excuse to see him. Eight years of her life. Six of those in love with him and four of them in a relationship with him and it's over. She drinks a whole bottle of proseco herself that night at the wrap party and cries the next morning when she wakes up tangled in sheets that she's spent too many hours in over the years - she doesn't remember how she got there, but Ruby is sound asleep beside her and she's still wearing her clothes and there's a bottle of water, an advil and a note on the side

 _I'll be gone when you wake up, Swan. Probably easier like that, right?_

 _Not a tearful goodbye person and all, I know so I won't say anything._

 _It's all been said before, right?_

 _Be happy, Emma. If Walsh is that for you...well then, I guess I wish you both the best._

 _K x_

She doesn't remember the conversation that they had that night on the roof, under the stars -

"Do you regret it?" She had asked, not looking at him but keeping her gaze fixed on the sky above her,

"Regret what, specifically, love?" He's responded, and could feel the heat of his gaze on her,

"I don't know." She'd said quietly and there was a pause, "Everything, I guess." She chanced a glance at him at this point only to find his jaw set. Like he was angry. And she had already started to rise, muttering an apology for ever bringing it up, when he caught her wrist in his hand and drew her back down besides him.

"Just because we didn't get our happily-ever-after in the end does in no way mean you were not the best thing to ever happen to me, Swan. Because you were." He was raw in that moment, laying himself completely bare before her once more. One final time. She had looked taken aback for a moment before nodding sombrely, her eyes so full of _something,_

"Yeah...you too, Jones."

But he does. And so when Robin tells him two months later that Walsh proposed to her, that she's getting married to someone else, he becomes pretty sure that she's ruined him for good. He didn't think she could break him any more. He was wrong.


End file.
